In doing so, he landed himself a stint in jail and guaranteed

Scott Olson/Getty Images News/Getty Images

The advent of airport body scanners, broadly manufactured by the appropriately (albeit disturbingly) named Rapiscan Systems, has forced passengers and lawmakers alike to question the use of Superman vision to inspect people’s junk for terrorist plots. But the TSA has long maintained the necessity of this creepily intrusive technology in the war on underwear bombs. Besides, it would be handled by only the most mature and highly trained individuals, right? Otherwise body scanners would render security screenings little more than an irradiated striptease for every puerile jackass with a voyeuristic streak.

Former TSA screener Rolando Negrin would probably cheap Canada Goose beg to official canada goose outlet differ. While undergoing body scanner training at a Miami facility, his co workers noticed on the screen that Negrin was packing a petite pecker. Naturally, Negrin’s colleagues hounded him about this for months, withering his penis to an insecure husk and demonstrating the stalwart professionalism with which every airport patron is likely treated. Negrin, ill equipped to dick whip his assailants into contrition, cornered one of his co workers in the airport parking lot, whipped out an extendable police baton, and proceeded to beat an apology out of his harasser. In doing so, he landed himself a stint in jail and guaranteed that any person confronting the probing eyes and hands of airport security would be examined in a dignified manner.

Natalie Behring/Getty Images News/Getty Images”This way, sir. My finger will be with you shortly.”

Or not. According to ex TSA agent Jason Harrington (and every fiber of common sense in your exposed body), body scanners are much more effective for mercilessly ridiculing passengers from behind closed doors than they are for spotting terrorists. Plastic explosives were apparently indistinguishable from fat rolls, leaving screeners with canada goose outlet online little more to do than make a sport out of laughing at overweight passengers and guessing the sex of ambiguously shaped bodies passing through scans. And when they aren’t laughing their asses off at man boobs and crotchular irregularities, screeners racially profile your genitals in the name of. national security, or, as Harrington explained, “All the old, crass stereotypes about race and genitalia size thrived on our secure government radio channels.” Which makes us feel markedly insecure. In our pants.

But all of that has changed, at least in theory. As of 2013, the practice of using passengers like X rated Rorschach tests came to a long desired end as the naked scan gave way to L 3 scanning technology, which produces cartoon like renderings of bodies being scanned. And we have no reason not to believe them when they say this if we can’t trust cheap canada goose

cheap canada goose
the TSA, who can we trust?

Thinkstock Images/Stockbyte/Getty The CI nope. The AT nope. The canada goose outlet toronto factory IR nope.

Justin Sullivan/Getty Images News/Getty Images

One of the more harrowing canada goose store aspects of air travel, aside from unforgivably subpar food and the prospect of falling out of the damned sky, is luggage checks. Anything could be going on while a passenger isn’t looking. And it turns out that secretly screwing with your stuff is par for the course. The inspecting agent apparently uncovered the vibrator in Filipovic’s bag and decided to offer words of encouragement:

Jill Filipovic via CNN”Also, you’ll probably want to wash that now.”

If you can’t read the photo, a canada goose outlet online uk disturbingly unsubtle note was written on a TSA slip and inserted in Filipovic’s luggage: “Get your freak on, girl.” Despite what the TSA agent must have seen as a bonding moment between joker and punchline, Filipovic didn’t like knowing that the stranger paid to wade canada goose outlet parka ear deep through her panties probably imagined her in the throes of mechanized self love and felt the need to share their reaction. On the bright side, at canada goose black friday sale least the message was privately relayed, and the agent responsible was quickly dispatched like a gangrenous testicle. The same can’t be said about the unknown baggage handlers who left a rather indiscreet message for a passenger retrieving his suitcase after a delayed flight:

Sleepysaurus Rex via Sydney Morning Herald”Well, Samsonite, I’m surprised, but you’re my suitcase and I love you no matter what.”

But some commit far greater trespasses in the form canada goose outlet new york city of blatant thievery. While it probably comes as no surprise that people left alone with valuable objects occasionally succumb to the five finger itch, some elevate that shit to crazy heights, like the TSA agent convicted of snagging $800,000 worth of items from travelers’ bags. There’s also the baggage handler who was caught on film adding to the $84,000 stash of stolen guns, jewelry, and watches he amassed over eight months. For example, if you work the ticket desk, your job is to keep a serene face as every breed of ill temper and halitosis invade your space and slide you passports with booger tainted hands. It gets even worse if your employer’s idea of a good time involves handcuffs and manhandling.

Comstock/Stockbyte/Getty ImagesBut at least you’d have an excuse to wear your gimp suit on Casual Friday.

With the aid of two real Canada Goose Online police officers, Fuerschbach was canada goose coats unceremoniously interrupted in front of all of canada goose uk shop her co workers and the customers in line and dragged off in handcuffs after her badge and other belongings were confiscated. The charge? A crime that had allegedly been uncovered during her background check. This was all a shock for the mortified Fuerschbach, who began to weep uncontrollably, if not from fear or humiliation, then due to the physical pain of being forced into handcuffs.

“Oh, sorry, we’ll stop now. I mean I kinda spent a lot of time setting up a whole mock execution thing, but it’s fine.”

Before Fuerschbach completely morphed into a giant ulcer, she was let in on the joke with a chorus of congratulations and clapping. Unfortunately, that wasn’t enough to dry her tears, which gushed so profusely that she had to be let off work early, only to return the next day and begin crying all over again. In the end, she was so overwhelmed by the impromptu initiation cheap canada goose

cheap canada goose
ceremony that the only way she could adequately express her gratitude was a lawsuit.

All the flack the TSA takes probably leaves some canada goose outlet jackets agents canada goose black friday sale constantly resisting the urge to dick around with passengers out of spite, or at least to distract themselves from the daily canada goose uk outlet tidal waves of traveler disdain.

So, one bomb appraisal officer working at Philadelphia International Airport decided to prank the fear of God (read: federal prison) into some unsuspecting victims passing through a security checkpoint. On at least two separate occasions, the officer, whose name is being withheld, decided it would be a great idea to convince air commuters that they’d been caught carrying cocaine. According to official documents obtained by the Smoking Gun, the apparently duty free bomb appraiser canada goose outlet nyc left his post at will with a vial of creatine powder, the stuff of muscleheads, and passed it off as the stuff of crackheads, then approached flyers asking if it was theirs.

Eyecandy Images/Eyecandy Images/Getty Images”No, sorry. But if you find any heroin, I lost that.”

The first individual the officer approached apparently had a good laugh about it. But like a tragic hero in love with his own hubris, the agent approached two more people, one of whom was 22 year old Rebecca Solomon. For some reason Solomon found little humor in the prospect of discovering firsthand that orange really is the new black and began to cry. The officer, failing to take Solomon’s emotional distress as his cue to apologize and beg for the sake of his job, dismissively insisted that the prank was funny.

Unfortunately for the explosives expert, his joke bombed with airport officials, too, guaranteeing him a one way ticket to Pink Slip City. It kind of seems like he should have seen that canada goose outlet in usa coming, since he worked for an agency that arrests travelers for merely joking about illegal activities.

stevanovicigor/iStock/Getty ImagesDo as we say, not as we. just do what we say.

On a Sunday night in October 2013, operations at Los Angeles International Airport were suspended in the tense uncertainty caused by an explosion in an employee restroom. The next night, all canada goose factory sale airport activities were once more brought to a standstill by explosive devices, this time positioned near terminals and, according to some, possibly near airplanes. People seated for takeoff must have been scared shitless by news of the apparent attack the people seated canada goose outlet in the bathroom even more so.